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Dating Enderman: Relationship Concepts for Tweens

A Brief Overview:

According to, the creature known as Enderman, is a neutral mob [a creature in Minecraft that will attack if you look at it or offend it] These creatures are one of the most dangerous in the game, should they be aggravated. Their abilities to teleport and pick up blocks coupled with their quick temper make them by far the most dangerous neutral mob. Have I lost you yet? No? …Good.

When we can use concepts from the world in which our tweens operate and parallel them with real life scenarios, those lessons often stick in their memory longer than a “good-ole parent/child talkin’ to”. If your child plays this creative game, I encourage you to sit down with them and try to understand how the world of Minecraft works (the music is actually quite calming). Here are some conversational parallels you can try when Enderman pops up on the screen:

Enderman Facts & Real Life Parallels:

If you put a pumpkin on your head and look at an Enderman, the Enderman will not get angry at you and try to attack.

  • If you feel like you have to hide or change your appearance/ personality to be accepted by a dating partner, you might be dating an Enderman.
  • A partner should support and accept you as you are and encourage you to be your best self.
  • They should not guilt trip you or trick you into doing anything you don’t want to do.

Enderman noises are actually distorted from people saying "hi", "hello", and "what's up."

  • A controlling or abusive partner will know what to say or do to make you feel afraid or broken down on the inside to try to maintain a sense of power over you.
  • Having a high self-esteem can help build the courage and resilience needed to walk away from a relationship that is not balanced or supportive.

An Enderman can teleport and move blocks including blocks players have placed.

  • Controlling partners may find ways to keep up with where you are and who you speak to like asking others what you say, monitoring your posts, or questioning who follows you on social media.
  • A toxic person may try to play mind-games or attempt to make you believe things about you that are not true. (i.e. "you made me react that way", “you can’t live without me”, “no one else cares about you”, “who’s going to believe you?”)
  • They might make their quick-tempered reactions seem like it's all your fault. This is called blaming and we all are responsible for our own actions and reactions.

Wolves are one of the best methods for fighting [Endermen in the game], but this can get messy. *Disclaimer* We do not promote fighting or violence as a means to solve problems.

  • Don’t forget about your “wolf pack” aka the people in your circles who look out for you and care about your safety.
  • Friends, family, teachers, coaches, counselors, school resource officers, and neighbors can be rallied to help you increase your safety and promote your well-being.
  • A controlling partner may try to find ways to isolate you from outside supporters by making it seem like "they don't understand the love you have together".
  • You may feel like the other person has "taken away" parts of your personality or how you view yourself.

Endermen are tall, scary-looking characters with long arms and legs and glowing, purple eyes.

  • Even if others are not intimidated by your boyfriend or girlfriend, you may be. This doesn’t make you a “weak” person.
  • A controlling partner knows how to make you feel like you are “less than” and that you do not have a choice to leave the relationship.
  • All people should be treated with respect, empathy and dignity... no one deserved to be abused.

Click here for more on teen dating violence.

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