Prove it! Prove it! Prove it!
This one phrase takes root in the mind of most survivors of domestic violence. Some feel like they have to prove themselves to win the affections of their abusive partner; or the affections of family members who didn’t stand by them the way they wish they would have. They try hard and harder still to exceed the expectations others may have for their success story while casting a shadow over the small wins along the way. Exhausted, they fight off thoughts, like flies on a sticky-hot day, that try to convince them…
“you must like being treated like a child,”
or “if it was really as bad as you say, you would leave,”
or “if you really love me, prove it by fixing this.”
This is trying to prove in the wrong direction.
The "prove it" mantra for others serves as a lightning rod energizing them to make it to the next finish line. Racing through life never slowing to take in the wonders along the way. These can become “the lost years”, or a period of time that cannot be recalled because of living in overdrive throughout the journey. Healing happens when we look at abuse through the lens of empathy. When we tell someone who has been hurt, “I am so sorry this has happened. This isn’t your fault. No one deserves to be treated like this. What can I do to help you become safe?”
Levi Lusko, of Fresh Life Church, said that we are walking around believing a lie that we need to prove ourselves. You don’t think you’re enough? …prove it! Prove that you’re a man. Prove that you can afford that. Prove that you are beautiful. We don’t know that we’re enough. We don’t know that we’re lovely. We don’t know that we’re worthy, and we don’t know that we should ever be accepted. But we are worthy of kindness and love. Remember, you have NOTHING to prove.
If you are looking for a way to connect with others who are processing through the effects of domestic violence on their family, call Care Lodge to speak with someone about our Support Meetings or visit https://www.carelodge.com/what-we-do/victim-services/counseling-individual-group.html