Care Lodge Domestic Violence Shelter, Inc.

Facts and Stats

Traits of Child Abusers

What's Life Like for the Children?

Warning Signs

Why Does the Violence Continue?

 What Can You Do To Help?

Help Stop Family Violence

Facts and Stats

• The U.S. Advisory Board on Child Abuse suggests that domestic violence may be the single major precursor to child abuse and neglect fatalities in this country.
• Children in homes where domestic violence occurs are physically abused or seriously neglected at a rate of 1500% higher than the national average in the general population.
• Research results suggest that battering is the single most common factor among mothers of abused children.
• Studies suggest that between 3.3 and 10 million children witness domestic violence annually.
• In a national survey of more than 6,000 American families, 50% of the men who frequently assaulted their wives also frequently abused their children.
• Children who witness domestic violence are more likely to exhibit behavioral and physical health problems including: depression, anxiety and violence towards peers. They are also more likely to attempt suicide, abuse drugs and alcohol, run away from home, engage in teen prostitution, and commit sexual assault crimes.
•  Slightly more than half of female victims of intimate violence live in households with children under the age of 12.
• Men who as children witnessed their parents' domestic violence are twice as likely to abuse their own wives than sons of nonviolent parents.
• One study of 2,245 children and teenagers found that recent exposure to violence in the home was a significant factor in predicting a child's violent behavior.
• Children in homes where domestic violence occurs may "indirectly" receive injuries. They may be hurt when household items are thrown or weapons are used. Infants may be injured if being held by their mother when the batterer strikes out.
• Older children may be hurt while trying to protect their mother.
• Approximately 90% of children are aware of the violence directed at their mother.
• Battering during pregnancy is the leading cause of fetal death.
• Each year about 324,000 pregnant women in the U.S. are battered by the men in their lives.
• Complications of pregnancy, including low weight gain, anemia, infections, and first and second trimester bleeding are significantly higher for abused women, as are maternal rates of depression, suicide attempts, tobacco, alcohol, and illicit drug use.

Traits of Child Abusers

• Witnessed or suffered abuse as children themselves.
• May use drugs or alcohol or have mental health issues.
• Crave Power and see violence as a way to gain power over another person.
• Have low self-esteem and the violence makes them feel important.
• Lack maturity and are easily frustrated and overwhelmed by everyday problems.
• Lack parenting skills and do not understand how to meet a child's needs.
• They feel guilty and take it out on the child.
• Have unreasonable expectations because they do not understand what a child can and cannot do so they think the child is misbehaving.

What's Life Like for the Children?

• Dangerous - often they are the intended victim of the abuser or they "get caught in the middle" of the attack.
• Chaotic - they never know what to expect at home. Their parent's mod can change instantly from loving to enraged.
• Fearful and Tense - the daily anger and violence create a living nightmare for the children in the homes. They grow up being afraid of everything and trusting no one.
• Confusing - they grow up receiving mixed messages because at school they learn hitting is wrong but at home hitting is use to "solve" problems.
•  Isolating - abusive parents typically shut the family off from the outside world. The children will also withdraw from their friends and others.
• Hopeless - the children often blame themselves for the abuse and feel powerless to prevent, stop or escape from it.

Warning Signs

For All Ages

• Unusual  unexplained injuries; injuries at different stages of healing

• Chronic illnesses, headaches, stomach aches

• Signs of neglect, poor hygiene, dirty clothing

• Withdrawal, playing alone, having no friends

• Depression or low self-esteem

• Use of violence to solve conflict

• Insomnia, sleepwalking, bed wetting

• Flashbacks or nightmares

• Difficulty expressing emotions other than anger

• School problems, erratic attendance, poor performance, school phobia, distractibility, behavior problems

• Acting overly responsible for their age

For Pre-School Children

• Frequent irritability

• Frequent illness

• Separation anxiety, fear of being alone

• Frequent hitting, biting or kicking

• Stuttering

• Regression (thumb sucking, bed-wetting)

For School-Aged Children

• Trouble concentrating at school

• Unusual knowledge of sex or violence for their age

• Fighting, bullying or self-abuse

• Stealing, cheating or lying

• Regression (seeking constant attention, "baby-talk")

For Teenagers

• Running away from home

• Dropping out of school

• STDs, teen pregnancy or prostitution

• Joining a gang, committing crimes, using weapons

• Problems with alcohol, tobacco or other drugs

• Talking about or attempting suicide

Why Does the Violence Continue?

• They believe they have a lack of alternatives because the spouse and child are dependent on the abuser and feel powerless to escape.
• They are scared and ashamed and  they feel helpless, guilty and worthless and are afraid of being "punished" or of losing their families if they seek help.
• They have been isolated from friends and family and believe they have no where to turn.
• They do not know who to call for help.
• The "good times" give them just enough hope that things will change and get better. They do not know that without help, the violence will continue and many times get worse.
• They have been isolated from family and friends and believe they have no where to turn.

 What Can You Do To Help?

• Be a positive role model by showing them a better way and giving them the love they need and deserve.
• Offer them support by telling them the abuse is not ok.
• Get them involved in positive youth activities within the community.
• Set clear limits in how you reward success and how you deal with misbehavior.
• Be honest with them and don't make promises you cannot keep; let them know what you can and cannot do to "fix" their problem.
• Create a calm, quiet and safe environment for them. Promote non-violence.
• Provide opportunities for play with other children and help them break free from isolation.
• Promote healthy self-expression through writing, talking, drawing, music - not violence.
• Teach conflict resolution skills, how to talk over possible solutions and their consequences or how to get help if you cannot agree.
• Help them stay in control when angry or frustrated by counting to 20 or taking a time-out.
• Teach personal safety rules, escape routes, safe places to go if there is a fight and how to call for help.
• Teach them that no one has the right to abuse one another and no one deserves to be abused.

Help Stop Family Violence

• Understand the damage caused by the violence.
• Recognize the warning signs.
• Support efforts to help children and their families and to end family violence.
• Report the abuse to a child protection agency or the police or sheriff's department.
• Even if you are unsure about a case, report it. As long as you do so in good faith, your rights are protected and you may save a child's life.

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